Struggle Love

Struggle: noun - a very difficult task; a determined effort under difficulties; verb-strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance

Love: noun - a great interest and pleasure in something; an intense feeling of deep affection; verb-to like or enjoy very much.

*Struggle Love - A deep, intense affection towards someone or something that is acquired under resistance or through difficulty. ​

Have you ever been in a relationship where you constantly felt you were struggling to prove yourself, your love, and/or your self-worth to the other person? Were there issues in your relationship that made you ask yourself, "Is love really supposed to look and feel this way?" I am not talking about day to day life issues that come up. I am talking about those issues where one or both parties involved made a conscious decision upon him/herself that resulted in bringing doubt, mental, emotional, or physical discomfort to a person they proclaim to love. It took me more time that I'd like to admit to realize that this is not what love looks or feel like. Now let me be clear, I know things happen, people make mistakes, and no one is perfect; however, what about when those mistakes happens over and over again? There is nothing about that that screams LOVE!

I've heard from people, young and old, that relationships are hard work; not marriage, just dating relationships! You know, the one where you're trying to determine if you even like a person enough to share your whole self with. The one that does not involve blending bank accounts, mortgages, or major life decisions. The one that has yet to include a diamond or honeymoon; yeah, that one! But why? If that is what I have to look forward to as I tip-toe my way back into the dating world, um, yeah; I'm going to take a hard pass on that one. 

Now, I haven't always felt that way, but when you've been in and through relationships that left you questioning yourself and moving to the other side of the world to disconnect and get your mind right, you began to look at things a lot different.

*Struggle Love is a term I came up with after listening and seeing women, of all ages, identify love with struggle. Beautiful, educated, confident women that have found themselves broken because of the constant struggle to love and be loved.

The bottom line, love, in any relationship doesn't have to be hard. People make relationships more difficult when:

• they are not honest about who they are
• the commitment towards the relationship isn't equal
• they are not up front about their intentions
• they place unrealistic expectations on others 
• they aren't ready to give or receive love
• they are looking for someone to complete them vs compliment them
• they are simply incapable of loving another person

Constant struggle in a relationship does not qualify a person as loyal. It makes you more guarded, it discourages you from opening up to healthy relationships, your mind is seldom at ease, and it causes unnecessary heartache. Don't ever think that struggle is a natural part of a loving someone. If you're in a relationship and feel exhausted, angry, confused, and feel like you're walking on eggshells, you may need to take a step back and ask yourself: Why? Is it worth it? Is this the kind of love I want to continuously subject myself to? Is this all that I deserve?

Absolutely not.

But, you must first recognize that for yourself. People will treat you the way we allow them. You deserve better; you deserve a love that doesn't cost you your sense of self.

~Sincerely LV

But does it?

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
~Stephen Chbosky