Have you ever been in a relationship where you constantly felt you were struggling to prove yourself, your love, and/or your self-worth to the other person? Were there issues in your relationship that made you ask yourself, "Is love really supposed to look and feel this way?" I am not talking about day to day life issues that come up. I am talking about those issues where one or both parties involved made a conscious decision upon him/herself that resulted in bringing doubt, mental, emotional, or physical discomfort to a person they proclaim to love. It took me more time that I'd like to admit to realize that this is not what love looks or feel like. Now let me be clear, I know things happen, people make mistakes, and no one is perfect; however, what about when those mistakes happens over and over again? There is nothing about that that screams LOVE!

I've heard from people, young and old, that relationships are hard work; not marriage, just dating relationships! You know, the one where you're trying to determine if you even like a person enough to share your whole self with. The one that does not involve blending bank accounts, mortgages, or major life decisions. The one that has yet to include a diamond or honeymoon; yeah, that one! But why? If that is what I have to look forward to as I tip-toe my way back into the dating world, um, yeah; I'm going to take a hard pass on that one. 

Now, I haven't always felt that way, but when you've been in and through relationships that left you questioning yourself and moving to the other side of the world to disconnect and get your mind right, you began to look at things a lot different.

*Struggle Love is a term I came up with after listening and seeing women, of all ages, identify love with struggle. Beautiful, educated, confident women that have found themselves broken because of the constant struggle to love and be loved.

The bottom line, love, in any relationship doesn't have to be hard. People make relationships more difficult when:

• they are not honest about who they are
• the commitment towards the relationship isn't equal
• they are not up front about their intentions
• they place unrealistic expectations on others 
• they aren't ready to give or receive love
• they are looking for someone to complete them vs compliment them
• they are simply incapable of loving another person

This summer I embarked on a journey of peace, relaxation, mindfulness, and pure silence in the Land of Gods and beautiful smiles....Bali, Indonesia! Between the sunsets, black sand beaches, waterfalls, and food that made my taste buds go haywire, I was literally in pure paradise. This was a disconnect from the disconnect. In other words, this solo-vacay was the ultimate getaway that would put everything I had been so focused on in perspective. This was the final piece of MY healing and MY celebration of being MY authentic self and not giving a damn about how anyone else felt.

​I know I have said it many times before, but it is so important to take time for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant; but to be disengaged for a few days can make the world of difference...mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not talking about a girl's trip, I am talking about time for you, your mind, and your own crap. A time to reflect and sort through your thoughts without distractions. I am not saying things are going to magically shift; however, you will be able to see things a lot clearer, TRUST!

With that being said, here we go! To avoid the possibility of getting burned out in one place during my 11-day stay in Bali, I split my trip into 3 parts.  I spent 3 nights in Canggu, 5 nights in Ubud, and 3 nights in Tabanan at the Bali Silent Retreat for Prayer and Meditation. It was the perfect mix! The only thing I would have done different was spend more time at the silent retreat. 

My next stop was Ubud, which was only a 45 minute drive from Canggu. Upon arriving, I felt my energy shift to one of calmness and bliss. It wasn't until then I realized the distinct difference between the cities that were perfect in their own way. My villa in Ubud came with a private entry and pool and my very own cook that prepared my choice of  breakfast each morning.  I was truly living the life!! 

A few of my days were filled with simple poolside relaxation; however, the others were everything but. Majestic waterfalls, rice and coffee plantations, swing rides in the jungle that literally took my breath away, and a visit to a Balinese Healer and Holy Bathing ritual were all cleansing to my soul. The day I visited the Healer and experienced the Holy Bathing, I was drained with an over stimulation of emotion. To be able to describe that experience in words has been challenging to say the least. It was one of those encounters that you won't understand until you've personally experienced it. 

Last, but definitely not least, I spent the final three days of my excursion at the Bali Silent Retreat for Prayer and Meditation. As I was planning my trip, I knew I wanted to have an intimate experience where I could focus only on mindfulness and prayer. Needless to say, the silent retreat offered me so much more. 

The retreat held true to the name. Over the course of the 3 days to follow everyone; guests and staff, was to remain in complete silence unless you were in the chat zone which was quite a walk away. There were no outlets in any of the rooms and Wi-Fi was only available in designated areas, which again, was quite a walk away.  The one thing I loved the most, aside from the silence, was the simplicity of it all. It was a time
​of self-reflection and introspection. No one cared what you were wearing or if your make-up was done; it was a time to be alone and listen. Throughout the day, there were yoga and meditation classes and trips to the hot springs and nearby temples. Guests had the personal responsibility of cleaning theirs rooms and washing/drying their dishes...true Ashram living!

If you have any questions about my journey to Bali or just want to show some love, please comment below! 
​~Sincerely LV

Breaking an emotional attachment with someone that you once loved and shared experiences with is difficult. It is even more so when that love turn into heartbreak. As much as you know within yourself that you must move on, the love that you once shared with that person continues to linger. You began to replay parts of the relationship over and over in your mind. Everything that happened is on constant repeat; the arguments, feelings of insecurity...EVERYTHING. After a while, those thoughts become a part of your thinking and responding. How you think about love and relationships and how you respond to anything that reminds of what you experienced within that relationship. 

For some people, it is easy to move on and I applaud you for being able to do that. But for some of us, it's not that simple. If you are at that point of not knowing how to move on, you have to Do Whatever you Need to Do...for you and if you have kids, for them as well! Seriously...whatever it takes, you must make sure you take care of you! In the midst of taking care of you, give yourself time to feel how you feel. You have that right and do not allow anyone to convince you otherwise. For more tips and suggestions click here. 

At the end of the day we want to be happy and surrounded by people that will love, protect, and care for us. But far too often, that's not always the case and everyone doesn't always have good intentions. And in those moments, it is important for us to find healthy ways to cope and conquer our emotions. What are some healthy ways you cope with heartbreak, disappointment, and/or deception? Please share and comment below. Sending you an abundance of love and ✌🏾!

~Sincerely LV

*Dopeness (adj.) - used to describe the niceness, or awesomeness of a person, place, or thing. 

fYou are amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and hella dope just the way you are! Let me tell you....you have no idea how long it took me to realize; better yet, believe that about myself! I get it, we all have our flaws. And some of those flaws are much harder to accept than others. Like the extra weight around our waist, those itty bitties we have up top, and fat knees! LMAO....yes, I thought I had fat knees and refused to wear anything to show them off for a loooong time! Why? Because someone told me I had fat knees when I was a senior in high school. In fact, a grown ass woman told me that! Scorned me for all of my 20's! It's funny to hear myself say that out loud. And all those years I missed showing off my gorgeous legs! SMH...

But seriously, why do we allow what other people think affect, how we feel about ourselves? Acceptance maybe? Whatever it may be, how dare we change our natural born dopeness for anyone?

Sometimes we want people to like and accept us so much that we are willing to change how we think, how we dress, what music we listen to, etc... But at the end of the day none of that matters because if you don't like who you are, the way you are you'll never be happy in that friendship, relationship, or any other "ship." Because ultimately, you aren't happy with yourself! Changing who you are for someone or something will only add layers to that mask you are wearing. Once you start adding layers, you will continue to lose yourself and forget who you are. And trying to reconnect with the person that once was is a challenge within itself. Trust your dopeness!

I was once in a relationship and found myself doing many of those things. Initially, I thought it was cute; he was buying me things I normally wouldn't wear, taking me to concerts of artists that was not my type of hype, and all other type of foolishness I can't believe I allowed myself to think and do. Why? Because for me, I was in love and that's what you're supposed to do, right? Sacrifice parts of yourself to make the other person feel comfortable? WRONG! I can admit, I was a fool for loving someone so much that I temporarily gave up parts of myself to be in a relationship that had too many red flags from the beginning. I did not trust my dopeness!

Needless to say, after over 2 years in that relationship, I snapped out of the delusion of thinking that was love. And for another year after that, I was on a quest to find LaDreka. That quest involved a lot of solitude, tears, prayer, and forgiveness. Forgiving myself for being careless with my heart and the way I doubted myself and my worth.  

But guess what, I found her y'all and she is dope as hell! At this point in my life, I am trusting my dopeness and I know one day, someone will appreciate all that I have to offer. If you are at a point where you are doubting your beauty, self-worth, intelligence, purpose, or anything that is connected to who you are, STOP and trust your dopeness!

​Sincerely LV

*(Urban dictionary, Cyrano On the Mic, 2007)

Something had to change! I was willing to take it to the extreme to reclaim my life and the parts of me that I had lost in friendships and relationships. I was in a constant battle, a competition between mediocracy and living in my purpose; I felt broken, unsure of myself, financially strained, and simply lost. The direction I thought my life was heading had become foreign to me. Having recently turned 40, newly single, and in a job that no longer inspired me, I knew I had to do something, something drastic. That's when I started looking outside of myself, outside of the familiar, and within other countries. 

When I started researching opportunities to teach abroad, I honestly didn't think much would come of it. I told myself I would just "see what happens." The first picture above was posted on July 7, 2018; by July 27th I had received two offers to teach overseas. It was at that moment I was reminded that change was within reach, but I had to take the first step. Take the step girl! I had three weeks to pack up my life and say my good-byes.

People often asked me if I was scared to leave, my response--I was afraid to stay! Don't get me wrong, leaving my oldest son, mom, and close friends behind, as well as moving my youngest son across the world from his father was hard. But the way my support system is set up...well, I had their blessings and that's all that mattered. I called this my Power Move! It was an unexpected move, at what I considered a desperate time, in my life. 
​
Often times, we know the changes that need to happen in order to get us to where we're supposed to be; however, we allow ourselves to remain unhappy and unfulfilled because that is where we find our greatest comfort regardless of how miserable we are. It's a familiar feeling and we've become so accustomed to "managing" those feelings, we forget that there may be something better in this world for us.

Life is about evolving; constantly challenging ourselves and reflecting on how far we've come. It is never too late to fulfill your purpose. Because it is yours. You may have seen books written similar to what you wanted to write or an idea that you've been sitting on flourish. Whether you believe it or not, if it is your purpose, it is still YOURS.

​Are you willing to step out on faith? Are you willing to acknowledge that the idea in your mind will not go away until you make something happen? Are you willing to stop talking about it and be about? If you are still questioning your purpose while God is constantly revealing the answers - what are you afraid of? Is your fear of not trying greater than your fear of stepping out and  becoming the person you're meant to be? Sometimes our greatest selves are made during unexpected times; we just have to look beyond the fear and move!

Sincerely LV​